![]() You see that mountain over there? You can shag it.” But what is the point in all these massive, open worlds if missions restrict our movement? “We have the biggest map we’ve ever created. It pops up all the time in video game marketing. Out of bounds warnings in open world games The joke about it being bad only lets us know that you know it’s bad and you did it anyway. See how I just highlighted something bad by doing something bad? I can get away with it because this isn’t a video game, but don’t make a game where you’re like “fetch quests are bad, hur, hur, now fetch me ten lemons”. Joking about boring mechanics and adding them in anyway Starting a game with a lore dump is more of a turn-off than your significant other eating a pack of pork scratchings mid-coitus. You can’t make someone care about your world by just saying words at them - you have to make people care through discovery, as they piece together the universe by themselves. The Amulet of Oomba Loomba must be protected at all costs, or the Blight of Sorrows will taint the sacred land of Umby Pumby once more. Flanked by their enemies, the Knights of Assfart made a sacred vow to fight to the last man, protecting King Herbert Derbert against the invading forces. Assfart was under siege from the Helgar in the Boundless War - a battle that had raged for centuries. ![]() Humour me for a few minutes as we wallow together in despair and count down some of the worst offenders. ![]() We’re clearly spoiled by the quality of modern games, but there are some infuriating things in this industry that just refuse to die. I occasionally wonder if I should have been a bed tester instead, or whether I should harvest off all of my organs and sell them on the black market. I wouldn’t dedicate 45 hours a week writing about them if I thought they were crap, but there are some days I wish I had chosen a different profession. ![]()
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